California
is a state known for freedom, at least that’s what most people think. Reality
is that things are very limited out here! You jump from this to the homeless quickly and I can't quite make the connection from freedom to homeless- can you help me out a bit and something here to smooth this transition?
-this may also be a good place, or maybe after this paragraph, to include some background info on California's homeless population
Homeless people in California are always getting criticized, harassed, or yelled at. Every homeless has a story. Is not always the typical alcoholic story in which they got kicked out their home for alcohol abuse or drug abuse. People are quick to judge not knowing the reality of what happened to that person.
-here you start to touch on negative stereotypes of the homeless. Develop this more. What negative representations of the homeless are out there, specifically here in Cali, that influence us to have such negative feelings. To what extent to these affect us?
You see, here in California you see a lot of homeless people living in the streets, parks, and cars. At night you could see them sleeping on benches sidewalks without blankets or pillows. Many people get bothered over the fact that homeless people are outside of their house maybe because their house value will go down or maybe because they give the area a bad image. Point is, that many residents want homeless people out! According to the website wraphome.org (introduce this source to build up your credibility- don't cite them by their URL by the Org name and mission) in California our homeless bill of rights campaign guarantees that all people have the right to choose where they live without getting in trouble or being harassed. -this is your first mention of the homeless bill of rights and remember you can't assume your audience knows what it is. what is it, what are its components, and why does this organization support it?
California is one of the states that has introduced the legislation called "Right to Rest." This legislation is aimed to revoke the laws in which they want homeless people removed from public places.
-this is good info on the positive things happen to help our homeless population. develop this more. is it then illegal for anyone to be on public space? do people oppose this? how has this affected our homeless populaiton?
Many cities in California are actually fighting for the rights of homeless. It is great when a group of people get together to fight for others that arent able to. Our voice matters to help them out.
-this may also be a good place, or maybe after this paragraph, to include some background info on California's homeless population
Homeless people in California are always getting criticized, harassed, or yelled at. Every homeless has a story. Is not always the typical alcoholic story in which they got kicked out their home for alcohol abuse or drug abuse. People are quick to judge not knowing the reality of what happened to that person.
-here you start to touch on negative stereotypes of the homeless. Develop this more. What negative representations of the homeless are out there, specifically here in Cali, that influence us to have such negative feelings. To what extent to these affect us?
You see, here in California you see a lot of homeless people living in the streets, parks, and cars. At night you could see them sleeping on benches sidewalks without blankets or pillows. Many people get bothered over the fact that homeless people are outside of their house maybe because their house value will go down or maybe because they give the area a bad image. Point is, that many residents want homeless people out! According to the website wraphome.org (introduce this source to build up your credibility- don't cite them by their URL by the Org name and mission) in California our homeless bill of rights campaign guarantees that all people have the right to choose where they live without getting in trouble or being harassed. -this is your first mention of the homeless bill of rights and remember you can't assume your audience knows what it is. what is it, what are its components, and why does this organization support it?
California is one of the states that has introduced the legislation called "Right to Rest." This legislation is aimed to revoke the laws in which they want homeless people removed from public places.
-this is good info on the positive things happen to help our homeless population. develop this more. is it then illegal for anyone to be on public space? do people oppose this? how has this affected our homeless populaiton?
Many cities in California are actually fighting for the rights of homeless. It is great when a group of people get together to fight for others that arent able to. Our voice matters to help them out.
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